On Leaving

True Loves,

As I have to return the internet equipment and such I thought I would write my leaving blog now.

I don't know if there is any other time in life where you feel these kinds of emotions. You feel more independent than ever, yet have never been more excited to see Mommy and Daddy. You've never felt more content being alone, but if you have a partner, never felt more in love. You feel nostalgic and not quite ready to leave this home, yet impatient to get back to your other one. You feel smarter than ever after feeling dumb for 5 months (nothing like trying to explain your nose hole closed up in German).

You feel like there are friendships you should have nurtured more, and ones you held on to too long. You feel aware of how wonderful people back home are...or not.

You feel like a grown up but have never been more dependent on people's support.

You feel beautiful.

You feel fat.

And if you're me, you want to process and analyze every feeling you're feeling into neat little packages and find a perfect word for it. But sometimes, you just have to let it be.


Off to the United States on Saturday,


With Love,
Emily

On Being Loved

True Loves,

I've been pondering this entry for a while now. I've been visited in the last three weeks by both Andy and my parents and I just feel...well so many things. It's an experience and I thought I would outline how a visit feels when you're used to being on your own, in another country, where people who speak your language are few and far between.

Why are you in my space?: This is absolutely the first thing I felt. While I was absolutely psyched to have my loved ones around me, having people to adjust my routine around was definitely a bigger shock than I anticipated. This was especially true with Andy as we were sharing a bed that I wouldn't doubt is the same make and model that serial killers use in hide outs. Thin mattress, narrow width, no room for escaping snoring. Thank goodness my sister sent me ear plugs prior.

Welcome to my world!: This follows naturally after the initial shock when you get to share your life changing experience with others. Taking my parents and Andy to my favorite places to eat and drink, watching them experience the same annoyances I did when I arrived (rain, rain, doors that look like they should be pull but are push, and more rain), and the droning back drop of the world cup was truly special. I felt blessed for the opportunities I've had and the people who allowed me to experience them.

Why are you leaving my space?: Saying goodbye here is different than any other goodbye I've ever had. I can't quite express it. Just as I'm getting used to having people I truly love and appreciate around me again they leave. It's sad, it's hard, and I'm glad that I have people in my life that I am sad to leave. Freiburg really does feel like home, but I don't miss missing these people, and it will certainly be really wonderful to be back in their presence when I arrive home.

Anyway, thought I would give you all a quick update on the visits,

Much Love,

Emily

PS.

Pictures from both visits are on my facebook page

On Language Gaps

True Loves,

One of the unique experiences I'm having to a lot of my friends is I am not a native speaker in the country I am studying in. Though I've improved greatly there are still times where if not better comprehension, at least quicker comprehension could be useful.

Andy (my number one lover) was here for the week. It was wonderful having him here and I felt pretty secure in my German leading him around Freiburg and translating for him. After dropping him off at the train station this morning I headed up to the platform to catch my tram, throwing my bag over my shoulder to hold my dress down in the breeze.

I walked around the platform, feeling melancholy as I had just said goodbye to my boo when a rather sketchy looking man (there are a lot of these in Freiburg, and in most cities I imagine), who started to talk to me. I simply said "Nein" or "No" before he got very far, assuming he wanted a cigarette oder Etwas (or something). He walked away hastily. It was only later that I realized what he had been trying to tell me was that my dress had gotten caught up under my bag leaving my butt cheek exposed to the world. Good news is I was wearing solid unmentionables and I will probably never see these people again.

One of those "don't judge a book by its cover" stories.

With Love,

Emily

On Grocery Shopping

True Loves,

Grocery shopping in Germany is a very unique experience when you're used to American super stores. The following are the top 3 things I've observed to be the most different.

1. Milk and Eggs are often not refrigerated

2. You must bring your own bags, using there's (if they have any) will cost extra
3. Because they use a lot less pesticides and preservatives produce can look...well...sad.

I've mentioned before that maneuvering around Germany's 1990s atmosphere can be difficult, but wondering the isles of a Grocery store can make you feel like you've gone even further back in time. Milk comes in glass bottles, there's a butcher and a baker, and you're half expecting a candlestick maker, not to mention the alcohol section that looks straight out of a specialty shop in the States.

It's time's like these I wish I had a video camera to allow you to observe these wonders in all their glory. On the bright side, most of the people who read this blog will be visiting me anyway.

With Love,
Emily

On Homesickness

True Loves,

Now that I'm not homesick anymore I thought it was a good time to write about it. While in my room sulking I pondered the reasons for homesickness. One of the hardest things about being abroad is no one here has known you longer than a couple months. It's tough when you want to reminisce about that party or that adventure, you want to tell one of those "you had to be there" stories but no one here was.

It was really awful for a couple weeks. Readjusting friendships, missing friends back home, and family, and definitely boyfriend. When you're not at the comfort level of hugging the people your with life can feel lonely.

But now life is better. I realized the things I need to do to keep myself sane (i.e. hanging out with the other girls from UMASS since at least they know what Bueno is) and making sure to nurture my new friendships too. Most relationships take work and that's unfortunate but it's a fact of life.

I've finally become at ease here, now all I need is some warm weather and I can be at ease outside.

With Love,

Emily

On Becoming Friends With Girls

True Loves,

I think I have narrowed down bonding between women into three thruths. If you know me, you know that gelling with my fellow gender hasn't always been easy, largely because admittadly I am a bit awkward, can spit better than most of my male friends, and have perfected poop jokes. And yes, I still find them funny. But the fact is I am still a lady, and even I, with my unfiltered mouth less than graceful mannerisms apply to the following three things.

1. All (or most if you want to get all technical feminist on me) women are aware of their hair and the state it is in.

2. All/Most women have had a negative experience with a boy/girl/love interest/crush of some sort.

3. All/Most women can agree that Dirty Dancing is a great movie. RIP Patrick Swayze.

Okay, I am being a little facetious. But the fact is that no matter how dainty or...not we may be we do all belong to the same gender. There is a piece of me, and maybe this is my western MA dirty hippie mentality, that believes that there is something to be said for sisterhood and the ties that bind us. I'm willing to put money on it that if you start singing "I've...had..." in a group of ladies someone is bound to join in with "the time of my liiifffeee"

With Love,

Emily